Hi, thank you for your interest in what I do…
My journey with unconscious behaviour first started when I was around the age of seven, when I had my first experience of over-eating/comfort eating. I didn’t know why I was indulging on food – but it felt good at the time. Following long periods of uncontrollable overeating and addiction to junk food throughout my adult life, I experienced many low points and often would conceal or hide my overeating – secretly eating on my own when no one was watching.
On many occasions I had tried to shift my focus and realised I needed to do something to control my habits and to change my behaviour. Multiple short lived attempts to quit my old habits resulted in many years of yo-yo dieting. The highs and lows of the emotional eating roller-coaster were a long term struggle that never really addressed the underlying issues. I believed that I was not good enough or not capable and these beliefs were causing me sadness and I truly believed I could not trust others with what I was feeling. I felt weak and disempowered – alone with my thoughts and suffering in silence.
In 2005, my youngest son was diagnosed with a life limiting muscle wasting disease and that was a significant downturn for my mental well-being. I was determined to focus on being positive, whilst battling with long periods of sadness and depression. Being positive and strong on the outside for everyone else, I never spoke to anyone about my feelings. I was experiencing negative emotions of anger, guilt, fear, sadness, grief and worry about the future.
My unconscious addictive personality shifted a gear and I was still over-eating junk food and this led to making some very poor choices. I would regularly drink alcohol to excess – passing out from the sheer volume of drink. This pattern continued for nearly ten years and I was wallowing in self-pity and self-medicating – truly believing that I did not belong and this was not the life I had planned. My unconscious mind shifted the attention to my ‘body mind’ that had taken over executive functioning. My body controlled the urges, addictions and cravings – it was almost as if I had no choice! I was powerless…
In 2015 I was attending a funeral when I realised that I must start living my life, to enjoy the now and to no longer be defined by the past. I had spent far too long dwelling and wallowing in my long term sadness, making poor choices and behaving in a dysfunctional way – whilst putting on a brave face to the outside world. I had spent years sabotaging my life; my career (multiple times in a loop – believing I’m not capable); sabotaged my relationships (believing I was not worthy of love); sabotaged my success (believing I was not good enough) and was completely unaware of why or how that had all happened. Having destroyed my marriage of 24 years, I took a deep dive emotionally and became addicted to my feelings of guilt and sadness – reaching an emotional dead end.
Thankfully I somehow knew I needed a new direction. I was now curious to explore my consciousness to discover what is below the surface of my sabotaging patterns. When I tapped into the highest level of consciousness, I learnt that my pattern of sabotaging choices and behaviour were a direct result of my beliefs – which I made up from the age of 0-4 years (possibly 0-7 years, depending on which philosopher or psychologist you prefer).
Having the awareness to know the motivation and purpose of my unconscious sabotage AND having the mental will power to focus on what I want to create, has given me access to a completely new connection to my purpose in life. I am now focused on teaching transformational thinking and in January 2018 founded a pioneering community interest company, supporting people living with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy (DMD) – transforming their high rates of mental health problems. My mission is to wipeout the negative impact DMD has on people, so they are no longer defined by that condition and empower them to ‘Rise Up’ and create lives worth living.